i can't access my blog. dammit. this invite came just in in time.. :D i have to say, this is quite practical. friendster + tabulas combo.

okay, now i am going to write about my sabog week.

last wednesday afternoon, 2:30ish --

the taxi stopped a few meters past the pedestrian lane. i was tempted to just jaywalk but for some reason i forced myself to walk to the pedestrian lane.. so anyway, when i started crossing the road, two trucks that were far enough at first were suddenly very near, and speeding towards me. one truck wanted to overtake the other but the other truck didnt want to let it. they must've been oblivious to the fact that there was a pedestrian lane ahead, and there WAS A PEDESTRIAN CROSSING THE FUCKING ROAD. so, i rushed to avoid truck A, the one who didn't want to be overtaken. and in doing so, truck B (wannabe overtaker) *shit japo's gonna be mad at me* hit me. it first hit my right side, making me twirl a bit (a la ballroom dancer), then hit my left lower body. i was still on my feet so i fnished crossing the road. i was shaking while i walked to iBank *i almost died.. tangina... i wasn't scared at that moment...* and withdrew half of my very first salary *now im scared. im scared coz im not scared of dying. is my life really that worthless to me? if i had died then and there, i would've died just feeling annoyed coz of OAA and dismayed coz japo's gonna be mad. no life-turning "i have seen the light!" or "i dont wanna die, I WANNA LIIIYIIEEVEE!!!" just... that... "ok whatever"...*. my right arm was dirty (black). when i arrived at eTel, i washed it out. my wrist was badly bruised, and i had some minor bruises on other parts of my arm. at first i was amazed that i didnt get any bruises for my left leg, since it hurt like hell, but later it started swelling. now i can say that louie is one great prophet, he said back in our pre-college days that im gonna be hit by a truck one day. he said i was gonna die by hit-and-run of truck, while drunk. he got one out of three..

anyway, an hour or so before the truck incident, my sister texted me that OAA was willing to give me back my scholarship. it just annoyed the fuck out of me. apparently, the person in charge hadn't given me a chance when i was appealing, just because i wasn't crying or anything, because i was taking the supposedly my-world-is-crumbling news calmly. well fuck that. so it's my fault coz i prefer to keep my pathetic-ness to myself. yeah, i should act like a weak helpless female and just cry and weep whenever life is harsh for the rest of my stupid existence. putangina talaga. anong klaseng sistema yan??? 1. isang tao lang ang in charge sa acholarships???? putaninga pano kung ndi nia gusto mukha ko, yari na ako?? 2. ano ba, meron ba talagang policies na sinusundan, or it's all about sucking up??? 3. pucha sinabihan na nga ako ng "wala ka nang magagawa jan" at bumalik pa rin ako para mag-appeal ulit, at ndi na ako pinansin, tnratong parang aso sa kalyeng humihingi ng tira-tira, tapos ngayong sasabihing, bat di daw ako nag-appeal pa?????????? puuuta!!! ano ba talaga ang ibig sabihin ng appeal? YUN NGA, UMIYAK AT ACT PATHETIC AT MAGMAKAAWA!!
putangina lang talaga. AYOKO NA BUMALIK SA ATENEO. *pero syempre babalik pa rin ako para tapusin. konting tiis na lang.*

badtrip no? ironic nga e, mejo poetic yung pagbangga ng truck saken. yung nangyayari sa buhay ko nagmanifest physically. haha.

gawin ko na nga lang kumpleto ang kwento, parang anlabo e. kasi ganito, dahil sa conflict with prof, dnrop nia ako. at dahil din pala sa walang kwentang student rights group kuno na nagcringe agad sa harap ng raging prof. (haha, tinawag pang student rights). so yun, nagka-W ako, which is bawal sa scholarship. pero qpi ko 2.6. tapos, meron akong ka-batch na scholar din at 21 units din, na may F at 1.7 qpi. sya, d tnanggalan ng scholarship. ako, wala na. so yun, nag-appeal ako. sinabihan akong wala na talgang hope for me. so, naghanap ako ng trabaho. kasi nga, mahirap lang tlga kami. kasi kung may pera kami, bat naman ako hhngi ng scholarship diba? (duh. ewan ko ba dun sa mga scholar na maraming pera.) anyway, since almost 50thou ang tuition sa ateneo per sem, at wala talaga kami pera, at sabi ng OAA wala na talga scholarship ko, i did what any other self-respecting person would do: find a solution for myself. i guess nga mali ang ginawa ko in the philippine setting kasi ndi ako pumunta at nagmakaawa at umiyak sa kung sinu-sinong tao. kasi, sa pag-iisip ko, it was primarily my fault, so i should be the one responsible for it. so yun, naghanap ako ng trabaho na ok ang sweldo para makapag-ipon ako ng pang tuition. call center. tanggap ako sa eTelecare. so yun, magLLOA ako ng isang taon, para makawork.

tas biglang ganyan, kinausap lang ng ate ko ang OAA, tas ganyan pala. yeah, i should be grateful, pero shet. pucha naman o. all that trouble just coz i didnt cry. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
(i'd rather think na naawa lang cla sakin kasi kelangan ko magwork, that would have been easier to handle.)

pero meron akong 6-month contract sa eTel, bayad 45thou kung alis, kaya yun. LOA ng isang sem. ayoko na bumalik pa sa ateneo. *pero babalik pa rin ako. haha.*

dapat nag-UP na lang ako no? pero sabi nga ni bruce, dont regret, just move forward. pero nakakainis talga. hehe.